marielikestodraw:

I reallly didn’t need my heart today. nope.

Okay, so I know this is like, blasphemy, but I haven’t seen any of the superhero movies that came out recently. But this was on my dash and it uncomfortably reminded me of everything between me and my sister right now. Silly thing is that it works both ways. Why do I get the feeling that if I watch this movie I’m going to bawl?

(Source: bitofaparadox)

disgustinghuman:

showslow:

Embroidered X-rays by Matthew Cox

;_;

I have a love/hate relationship with disability awareness blogs. On one hand I’ve gotten so much information from them and they’ve helped me realize that I’m not some isolated case where people treat me like shit but pretend they’re being amazing for even deigning to notice my existence. On the other hand I see how much worse people can be when they can hide as anonymous, I see the statistics for abuse, I see the death threats and the assumptions that disabled people are all lazy and worthless. So it’s constantly pushing me to inform myself and try to inform other people, but it’s also making me lose my faith in humanity that much faster.

Honestly, I am in awe of the people who run these blogs. I have a hard enough time dealing with the way people are in public, I don’t think I could handle the way people are when they don’t fear repercussions.

This is my little man. He is my almost-nephew.

I met Joe when I was fifteen, and he quickly became an older brother to me. We’ve seen each other go through some ups and downs, but he’s always been a rock. He’s always calm, always knows the right things to say, and he has this occasionally annoying tendency to ask the questions that dig right in and find what you maybe didn’t think you were ready to see.

When Joe met Rachel I was a little wary. His last girlfriend that I’d really met tended to think it was okay to insult you because that’s apparently what “friends” do. So as much as I love him, I wasn’t sure about his choice in lady friends. Rachel is amazing. Within one night out for cheap tacos she was already firmly set as family in my head.

This is Lukyan. He’s only a couple days old. He was about two weeks late, but he’s out now and healthy. We went to visit them once Joe and Rachel got settled in at their own place. God. This kid. He’s a heartbreaker. Joe told me that even if I stop treatment after this summer, they’ll make sure that Lukyan knows all about his aunt Casey.

Joe is really good at making me cry.

So this is Lukyan. I’m going to spoil the absolute shit out of him.

I always get this idea that if I buy a super awesome typewriter or a new notebook and new pens and all this new SHIT that I’ll magically start writing more. Suddenly I’ll have ideas, and the energy to write them. Suddenly I’ll actually give a shit about writing these stories and they’ll be AMAZING because I had such a cool typewriter/notebook/whatethefuckever to write them with.

I hate when I do this. I really want a typewriter right now. I really REALLY want one. But typewriters don’t magically get rid of writer’s block. They don’t actually make you look that cool, especially when you don’t even have any space in your room for one.

Jesus fucking christ I want a typewriter.

I’ll tell you what happened to me, but definitely keep in mind that I’m not qualified to diagnose you, and your best bet would be to visit a doctor.

My tumor was in my pelvis and it was pressing on my spine, so I had sharp shooting pains through my pelvis and down into my right thigh. I do know that osteosarcoma usually occurs in the long bones in the arms and legs, so having it in the pelvis or shoulders is more unlikely. I definitely think you should visit a doctor, not because I’m super convinced it’s cancer, but because I think there is probably something else going on, and getting it checked out can save you the pain and worry. *hugs* Don’t worry too much, bone cancers are pretty rare, but since you’re in pain it’s always better to get it checked out early on. You never know, it might be nothing, or it might be something that’s super easy to treat.

LOOK WHAT I KNIT. ISN’T HE ADORABLE? His name is The Derptopus. It’s more of a title then a name. He earned it. I really wish I had a real camera instead of a shitty webcam that’s built into my laptop, because these pictures seriously don’t do him justice. His tentacles are all curly and he sort of fades from green to blue.

1. Handwrite your name.
2. Handwrite your Tumblr URL.
3. Handwrite your blog title.
4. Handwrite your Tumblr crushes.
5. Handwrite your favorite season of the year.
6. Handwrite what color shirt your wearing right now.
7. Handwrite your favorite actresses and actors.
8. Handwrite your favorite TV shows.
9. Handwrite your favorite bands/singers.
10. Handwrite your favorite songs.
11. Handwrite your favorite number.
12. Handwrite the country you currently live in.
13. Handwrite the country you were born in.
14. Handwrite “hello”.
15. Handwrite your name in the hand that you do NOT normally use.
16. Handwrite 3 words that sum you up.
17. Handwrite the first 10 words that come to mind.
18. Handwrite a message to your followers.

I hate driving 80% of the time. The 20% I do like is on the freeway when it’s not too busy, but city streets stress me the fuck out.

I had to pick up a prescription from the hospital today and I, not thinking about how normal people have things called schedules, left around 4:30, which was just in time for traffic. I thought ahead enough to not take the freeway, but I kept missing my turns, and it was on roads I’ve never been on before so I would suddenly be like “Oh. The left lane disappeared and I’m still in it.”

My mom stresses out when she drives, like full out panicking sometimes, and it frustrates me even more when I realize I’m acting like her, so then I’m the greatest mix ever of stressed out, on the verge of panicking, and angry. Amazing. I hate when I get like that.

Thank you so much. I’m not sure if I’ve talked much on here about my plans, although I’m sure I mentioned that I was going to stop treatment, so I’m just going to use this opportunity to elaborate (hope you don’t mind). I’m stopping treatment after this summer. Over this summer I’m going to be on oral chemo, with some RFA (radiofrequency ablation), which is basically a really easy surgery where they put me under, put me in the CT scan, insert needles through my side into my lung while constantly checking the scan, and once they reach a nodule they basically microwave it. The last time I got it I woke up with absolutely no pain. Pretty soon I’m going in for cryoablation, which is basically the same thing but they freeze it instead. This summer I’m going to go to the renaissance faire as much as I can, and in August I’m going on a two week road trip with my sister to the west coast, hitting up a ton of places along the way, because we’ve talked about doing it for so long and never had the chance.

Basically, I’m depressed, I’m scared, but when I think about my decision to stop treatment I’m ultimately relieved. It’s been three years since I was diagnosed, two years since the amputation, and fourteen surgeries in that time and I really don’t believe that the nodules are going to go away. With that said, if some crazy miracle happens and they do, or if my mindset suddenly changes drastically, I’m not going to force myself to go through with it.

*hugs* So now that I’ve used you as an excuse to inform everyone what’s going on, seriously, thank you. I’ve really been overwhelmed by all the people that have been supportive of my decision, I was bracing myself for a shit storm and got the exact opposite.