(that’s probably not true)
Anti-feminist dudes who think ladies don’t listen to your arguments? They do. They have. They have heard them all already. That’s why they get annoyed at you for repeating them like you are a special snowflake and the first one evar who thought of it. Because you aren’t, and you just come across as dumb and needy.
Every single dude who has never been exposed to feminist thought (and quite a few ladies) thinks that the poor wimmenz are blindfolded saps and he is a logical figure in a world of darkness. Every single time! So constantly making these arguments is draining as fuck, especially when the anti-feminist in question is like a brick wall- throw as much logic and reason at it as you like, it still going to stand there being dumb as proverbial bricks and unmoving.
Anti-feminist dudes who think that they must be right, because they are being so clear-minded and logical. I get that it seems that way, I really do. Why? Because I was there. I’ve been you. I’ve been the guy that made probably every single one of your arguments to a (now ex-) girlfriend of mine, with the best of intentions.
I was lucky, because she was nice, and she was willing to explain things repeatedly and carefully, and now I get it. It’s not hard to get. Do the research, read the things, and one comes to an understanding. I still screw up sometimes -one does- but it’s not hard to get better.
Here’s the thing, though: she didn’t have to do that. Why? Because it is not the task of the oppressed to enlighten you. I’m not saying that the arguments don’t need to be made, somewhere- but they have BEEN made. EVERYWHERE. There are dozens of feminism or anti-racism or gay rights 101s on the internet, published in books, sung by angry girl bands. If you were truly interested in engaging with the material, it’s out there to be engaged with. Just like a creationist arguing about science with biologists, if you were truly interested in learning, you would take that mighty manly logic-brain and learn the stuff that exists.
But anti-feminists aren’t interested in doing that, are you? I wasn’t, not really. I was persuaded to, but I like to think that I was already relatively engaged and so I looked stuff up. I say this because if you were interested in engaging, really engaging with the feminist community, you wouldn’t just spout shit everyone’s already heard. You wouldn’t lie about the wage gap or rape statistics. You would already understand what the phrase ‘victim blaming’ means or ‘rape culture’. You would see why the Bechedel test exists and why the disparity of ladies : men in television/literature/&c. (or PoC : whites or straights : gay or cis : trans*) is problematic. These are all things which are very easy to grasp with the smallest amount of actual grappling with the material.
So, anti-feminist dudes, you want ladies to take you fully seriously? Don’t just spout the same tired shit everyone’s already heard. Read the arguments for yourself, and engage with them properly. Bring real evidence -if you have any- to the table instead of distorting or lying. Actually engage with the arguments against your position. I know it’s hard, having your worldview challenged, but it’s worth it to learn shit. Shit is worth learning, dudes!
Oh, and for the record, I’m a straight, cis-gendered man. All man-shaped and man-like. So if I can try to be an ally, all y’all can grow the fuck up.
